Tick Tock

I was sitting at the dining room table cutting out traces of buzz light year buttons and wings from fancy construction paper for my son's first birthday, thinking about how fast time goes. This time last year I was 200 lbs and contemplating how to evict my son OUT of my body without him getting offended. This time two years ago I was curled up in a ball deciding if I was crying because I got laid off or because Obama's inauguration. It was back then that I decided that I was going to make writing work out for me....

and then life happened. Not all the promises I made myself when I turned 25 have been fulfilled but I've also received so much more than I can think up for myself. Still I wonder sometimes if I should just go to school to be an english teacher and succumb to the bracket of people who "can't and therefore teach." I just hate the thought of wasted time. This time four years ago I went back to school for the second time thinking I was going to be a nurse or a doctor...which is hilarious because the people that know me personally know that I can't be made to do something I don't want and I HATE science, biology, anatomy, etc.. but I seriously thought I could push through with the adrenaline of doing it for my kid. Needless to say I didn't succ

eed and time went on leaving that potential behind.

Should I just belt out Sunrise, Sunset from Fiddler On The Roof already and claim victim to time?

Well I'm not there yet nor do I think I'll ever be an elder Jewish lady watching a traditional Orthodox wedding. It's a new year and I've got so many plans that even on day 6 of 2011 I already feel behind. A few main things Im looking forward to in the coming months:

-Going back to school. I'm enrolled at the Academy of Art University working toward my BFA in Motion Pictures and Television. Though I'm pretty confident in my work, there's always room to learn more and grow. My mom always used to say "If you pretend to know everything, then you won't learn anything." What can I say? She's right.

-Shooting an Indie Doc. Currently getting things together, research, equipment, storyboards, etc. and shooting in the BC area in June. I'm excited.

-Book of Mar's facelift. I will be merging my photoblog with this one and adding more bells and whistles. Can you picture it?!?! No? Ah, you'll see.

Anyway, I promised myself two years ago that by the time I turn 28 something I wrote would be taking its tangible form. I'm turning 27 in...11 days so the clock is TICKING! In the meantime I'll be living in a daydream as the parade of awards season commence; while living in the moment of celebrating the milestones up ahead with jessie and buzz goody bags! Yay:)

My lists from SLAMDANCE to SLAMDOINK

Oh life. As of late I have been neurotically checking off 'things to do' on a list as long as Sarah Jessica Parker's nose (its what makes her unique and beautiful). It's been so busy that I hardly had the chance to take a second to grieve the latest rejection of Eastern Sunset -SLAMDANCE.

(Peter Lindberg for Harpers Bazaar)
"I'm gonna bet mine's longer than yours."

I was hopeful for this one. Many Indie breakouts premiered at their festival and alumni included Paranormal Activity director Oren Peli and Maria Full of Grace writer Joshua Marston. So why doesn't it include future Academy Award Nominee for Best Original Screenplay (at least!): me? I'm going to pull out the 'it's just not my time' coupled with the 'my script needs further editing' index cards.

So much has been going on that I barely had a second to be angry or feel sorry for myself or get frustrated that I'm getting old and I'm going to need to pay for private school tuitions soon and I still havent built my dream (tree) house -ok I'm thinking about it now. But I'm trying to keep up beat and positive...plus so much has been going on in my personal life that I'm soaking it in and filing it under the inspiration folder.

I'm not gonna lie, I got a little discouraged. I courted daydreams of returning to an insignificant job and being content with this being as good as it got until I died. The only thing I drafted in the past month or so was my list of pros and cons in regards to my writing... the list of cons was much MUCH longer but the font on my pros was much larger and bolder.

In the end I dont want a long list of things that I did, I want a significant list of things that I loved...

The Best (of W. Somerset Maugham ) and The Worst (of Richard Kelly)

Nothing motivates me to write (and write well) more than seeing (or reading)either an outstanding piece of work or an outstanding piece of crap. I finished writing Eastern Sunset in a manic/sleepless week, encouraged by the elegance and cinematography of The Painted Veil.

"Oh Kitty, I brought you here so you could die of cholera for being such a cheating whore; I never thought we'd...fall in love."

I began drafting Old Mike, New Christine based on the June 2010 GQ article of the same title (obviously my title is tentative). I reevaluated my scenes' juxtaposition in Short Life of a Beard after sitting through a grueling and incoherent 88 minutes of The Love Guru (wtf Meyers?).

So as a new season comes around the corner, I polish up scripts of old and actualize scripts of new to make it in time for next years' big submissions -here I am conduring inspiration from my unfortunate luck in rentals. Here is my list of some bad movies I've
endured for educational purposes:

Couple's Retreat -ok, I'm not gonna lie, I was actually looking forward to this. Tropical location plus Favreau and Vaughn, it had some potential ingredients for a funny night in. But as their last night unravelled and loose parts were haphazardly duct taped together, I was left feeling like I was watching a night of amateur improv at John Rennie High School again: "Ok can I have a suggestion for...a sucky ending to an overbudgeted piece of poo...?"

Observe and Report -I may have enjoyed Paul Blart:Mall Cop more than this work of a regular fave, Seth Rogan. What the heck happened hear? I have no idea and I think that was the problem. I wasnt sure where plot points were or what was the driving force of the story -main's secret dream of becoming a cop, what he'd do to get the girl, his need to find the flasher <- oops spoiler alert, but who the eff cares. I also battled with myself trying to find ways to at the very least sympathyze with actual douchebag Ronnie Barnhardt. Still working on developing an undeserved sense of accomplishment *sarcasm*

The Invention of Lying -what was Ricky Gervais and Matthew Robinson smoking while they wrote this? Oh no I get it, this had the potential to be as exaggerated/shallow funny as Bruce Almighty, but it took a weird turn as soon as the director demanded an Oscar calibre performance from Gervais that rivaled Sean Penn in Milk. As soon as their frou frou, dimple faced, honest, pretend world was cast under the shadow of our actual World's theology and religion it wasnt funny anymor <- oops spoiler alert again! but that ok because you shouldn't see this movie anyway. It shoved me back to my reality without a meager refund of the 40 minutes of life I would never get back.

and last and absolutely least:
"If you open this box it will unleash a series of disorganized and perplexing events that will ruin
date night for couples all over the world...you will still get paid your millions despite your acting."

The Box -smh. No, smhhtetfmm<- shaking my head hard to erase this from my memory. So now I have creepy Frank Langella's half face engrave into my subconscious and a neck brace from THE WHIP LASH OF CONSTANTLY LOOKING BACK AT EJ EXCHANGING 'WTF' FACES. I was hoping that Arlington Steward was indeed a terrorist and that this box was part an intricate plot to shake up ungrateful shopaholic middle
class couples. Your husband works for NASA and you still cant afford to pay for your kid's private school?? Come on now. I was so disappointed with this movie that there aren't even sufficient words. I'll just remain "smhhtetfmm."

So now back to my drawing board, using the above movies as life lessons not to emulate. Then again who knows? One of my scrips might make it on someone's worst list too one day...maybe it'll be one of those 'controvertial good' movies that at least win awards and were fun to write or is just widely disliked by haters who wish they wrote it first. :)

Flashback: August 16, 2003

EXT. CALGARY INT. AIRPORT, AFTERNOON

The back of a 2003 Toyota Sienna is stuffed with suitcases; visible hands are holding them in place as the trunk is slammed shut.

INT. TOYOTA SIENNA, CONT'D

Mar adjusts some bags from the backseat before settling down. E, 22, bumps his head as he enters the vehicle.

E
eff.

MAR
Cheese and fries, are you ok?

E folds his hands over his chest feeling for something in his coat pocket. He answers without looking at her...

E
I'm fine.

MAR

Um...ok. (beat) Are you mad at me or something?

E

What? Why would I be mad at you?

MAR

Well we havent seen each other in like two months
and you're acting like this is the first time we've met.

E
(laughs nervously)

Technically this is the fouth time in almost a year
that we've been together, I mean how well do we
really know each other right?

Mar considers the concept while regarding him with intense skepticism.

MAR

(confused)

I don't know...

Meanwhile, five other passengers load the vehicle-AUNT JANE, 45; UNCLE ELMO, 50; EUGENE, 21; and JAKE, 18.

EXT. CALGARY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, CONTINUOUS

The two side doors roll shut and the vehicle pulls away.

INT. MIRANDA RESIDENCE, NIGHT

A typical Canadian Bungalow filled with people (including Mar's family; MOM, DAD and ANGEL) and alive with merriment -the crackling of frying food, the echoing of the kareoke machine and the obnoxious laughter of gossipers and spectators.

Mar and E are jammed into a loveseat, absent participants. Contemplating the next move of their long distance relationship.

Mar has been entertaining thoughts of the worst...

MAR

Why did you even come here? and why did you bring them?

E

Your dad said he wanted to meet my family right? So...

MAR
But you're obviously not ready for this...

E
(defensively)

Ready for what? My parents meet new people all the
time, it's not a big deal.

MAR

Ok...so it isn't a big deal then.

E lets the weight of his head drop to his chest in defeat. He gets up and takes the mic form the kareoke machine.

E

Can I have everyone's attention?

The chaos of the house quickly settles as Mar looks on unimpressed but curious.

E
(nervously)

Ok... um. (beat) Actually, can i get Mar to come
up here with me?

Mar shakes her head, E clasps his hands pleadingly. Mar finally obliges and stands next to E. He looks at her first before physically adjusting her to be in front of him. She tilts her head, suspicious. He gets down on his knee and the house guests all squeal in anticipation. E manages to clumsily get out his ring box while balancing the mic between his shoulder and jaw.

E

Mar?

MOM
(frantic)

Wait!! Let me get the mic stand.

She disappears for a moment as Mar stands awkwardly and E kneels in silence, before reproducing a mic stand.

MOM
(clapping)

Ok go!!

E takes a deep breath and mumbles...

E
(inaudible)

Will you marry me, Mar?

AUNT JANE

Louder, son! I can't hear you!

The crowd laughs and E humors his mother as he talks into the mic.

E

Will you marry me, Mar?

MAR

Um...yeah...

CROWD

Louder!

MAR

I said yes!

Crowd cheers and everyone comes in for congratulatory hugs.

AUNT JANE
(to Mar)

Congratulations, Mar! Did you suspect it?

MAR

No, Auntie! I thought he was gonna break up with me,
he was being so weird.

AUNT JANE

Don't be ridiculous...you call me momma from now on, ok?

Mar nods.

*****
This began (what skeptics would call) my 'premature' journey into becoming someone's wife. I was nineteen when it happened and til this day one of the best decisions I've made in my life was agreeing to marry my EJ. If you don't know him, well, this guy pretty much can make something out of nothing -he's a true artist; making things from scratch, creating beauty from imagination. He's one of my inspirations, he's a true testament of how good and generous God can be when it comes to allowing for your dreams to come true. I've watched him make his way, switching gears violently/purposely from a 'job' in accounting to a 'career' in graphic design. If it can happen for him, who's to say it can't for me?

Glad I said "um...yeah" that day and I'm glad you're in my life, sir. Continue to reach for the stars so -as I hang on to your modern fit coattail -some of that star dust may shower down on me:)

Mar, Present!

Hey there fancy 15. Enough of you have asked why I haven't posted in a while or where I have been or how the next screenplay was coming along...while there are many levels of "well" and "well enough" to suffice as answers, for the most part I am here, being everpresent.

Its been a whirlwindy month and a half -mostly a bad wind coiffuring the cap of my wits into a medusa like state. An event late last month that I was looking forward to had turned out beautifully -unfortunately with unexpected horrible circumstances lacing its hem. I'm not going to get too into it but let's just say that if you've seen this scene from Family Guy, then you have an accurate reinactment of my Canadian vacation:



I'm still waiting for it to be 'real life' funny so I can spin it in into something written but I'm not there yet. Though I never got sick, everyone is now fully recovered...but I'm not gonna lie, there were days where I wished I were blowin chunks just so I could get some rest...

More travel dates are coming up and its all I can think of!! Hopefully this time nobody gets food poisoning, or stomach flu, or diarrhea. I'd like for us all to enjoy riding "Its a Small World" without clutching the Kaopectate and for my husband and I to enjoy New York without...well, diarrhea. haha

So I'm here; living, experiencing, getting inspired... How have you all been?

Great Moments

This is the year I gathered the courage to enter screenplay competitions. Nicholl Fellowship because of its prestige, Slamdance because of their feedback, and Zoetrope because of the chance that Francis Ford Coppola might read my script. Only one script was polished enough to deem worthy of submission this year and that was Eastern Sunset.

I dont know how many versions of this story I've written and in how many artistic variations but I did it. A story inspired by one moment in my great grandmother's life. One fateful moment that changed everything in a life that she thought was already set in stone; heck if it didn't happen I might have not been here today.

I got the confirmation letter from Nicholl Fellowships that I didn't make the cut for quarterfinals. I didn't even get a "PS message" which would have said that my script was read at least twice and got two positive feedbacks. I'm one of the thousands of people that got the 'thanks, we'll send you a link for the competition again next year...' email. A good percentage of these thousands of people are very very angry; angry at the system, the readers/judges, the Greg the director of the competition and even Mrs. Nicholl. I'm not...

I came into these contests as a 'worm jacob' -humble, hoping for the best but expecting the worst -and here it is, the worst. Just because you've been expecting it, it doesn't get easier. I'm not butt hurt at the people that didn't like my script or the judging system or organizers and Mrs. Nicholl whom without her generosity this platform of hope for screenwriters in limbo would not exist.

I am taking in deeper breaths today, nodding my head at an invisible coach agreeing that it just isn't my time yet. I can't help but feel a little deflated, like a dog chasing after its own tail to no avail. I have to remember that I love writing above all its 'perks' and though I am currently unable to contribute to my family's livelihood, I'm here with my two kids being props for their games, pillows for their naps and comfort for their tears -and that's enough. They need me more than Hollywood does right now.

But I'm not giving up! Like my great grandmother, my moment will come too...when it does I hope it's as inspirational and luminous.